This weekend is going to give you 3 HUGE parenting opportunities. Will you take them?

"Why is our culture so violent?"

"What can we do to protect our children?"

This question will undoubtedly be asked a lot this weekend. And a lot of the parents expressing their sincere concern are oblivious to the steady diet of violence and anger their children consume through media. 

If you're a concerned parent this weekend is going to give you three huge conversational starting points with your teenager.

1. Deadpool 2
2. 13 Reasons Why season 2
3. Santa Fe, Texas

It's a safe bet that the number one movie at the box office this weekend will be Deadpool 2, an ultraviolent R rated superhero movie. This movie was made with teens in mind, and has been aggressively marketed to them (not that parents who aren't engaged on the social media platforms their teenagers are addicted to would know) for weeks now. Many teens will go see it, buying tickets with their parents money and with their permission. Just as many will be watching without their parents permission. Or without bothering to tell their distracted parents that this movie is rated R.

Lots of teens will round out their weekend screen time by binge watching the second season of 13 Reasons Why which premiered on Netflix at 11:59pm Thursday night. Too many parents are unfamiliar with the graphic content of this 'must watch' show that glorifies suicide! I know the producers of the program and Netflix deny that the show glorifies anything negative and instead claim that it's healthy because it opens a dialougue between the fans of the show (teens!) and their parents. I'd find this a bit more believable if the show were marketed to parents as a discussion starter even 10% as heavily as it's been marketed on social media to teens.

So why is our culture violent and angry? Because you are what you eat. And in this case our teens consume garbage fed to them through screens that makes them unhealthy and then they end up unhealthy.

I'm not saying that it's the fault of the entertainment. Hollywood is just selling what people are buying. If teens were binge watching The Andy Griffith Show and Leave it to Beaver then Hollywood would be putting Mayberry and Ward and June Cleaver in front of our teens 24/7.

It's the fault of the parents. Some assume that since their teens know the difference between reality and fiction that a movie or tv show can't harm them. Heck lots of us grew up with a steady diet of The Dukes of Hazzard and The A-Team. But in my house those tv shows came with a weekly commentary from my dad. 

"You can't drive a car like that. It's dangerous."

"If you hit somebody like that you'll break your hand and he'll have to go to the hospital."

"If a car rolled over like that someone would die."

"You can't shoot a machine gun at people like that without killing and crippling them, and the innocent people behind them."

"Don't those idiots have jobs? How can afford all the gas they use each week driving in circles?"

I know for a fact that many of my friends suffered through similar parental observations while trying to enjoy their weekly dose of Mr. T or the General Lee.

But not only are the entertainment stakes higher in 2018, many teens watch movies and tv in their bedrooms, out of range of parental commentary. In many cases parents have no idea what their teens are watching, let alone what the content of it is.

Are there parents who restrict what their teens watch? Absolutely. (Although I know a teen girl who told me that she wasn't allowed to watch 13 Reasons Why. Her dad even changed the password on their Netflix account so she couldn't access it. She just borrowed a friends password (whose parents were none the wiser) and sat in her room and watched it on her phone.)

Are there parents who use these things as conversation starters? Yes. (I know two teens who watched every episode with their mom, and discussed each episode with their mom. I'm extra impressed because I know from conversation with their mom that she HATED every minute of it. But her daughters are better off for her plunging into their world and sharing it with them.)

So why is our culture angry and violent? Because parents aren't paying enough attention.

How can we fix it? Pay attention parents because this is key: 

GET ON SNAPCHAT AND INSTAGRAM AND SEE WHAT YOUR TEENS ARE LOOKING AT AND SHARING. THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING AT YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL!

CONSUME THE MEDIA THEY CONSUME SO YOU CAN TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT. 

TAKE THEM TO CHURCH. EVERY SUNDAY. LET THEM SEE THAT THE GOSPEL IS AS IMPORTANT AS SOCCER/BALLET/FOOTBALL/SOFTBALL/CHEERLEADING.

READ YOUR BIBLE IN FRONT OF THEM. LET THEM SEE THAT GOD'S WORD IS AS IMPORTANT TO YOU AS FACEBOOK. 

AND STOP LETTING NITWITS ON YOUTUBE AND NETFLIX AND ON MOVIE SCREENS SHAPE YOUR CHILDREN INTO ADULTS. THAT'S YOUR JOB AND YOU ARE FAR BETTER AT IT!

Let's go deeper than FUN

Dear parent, if you're regularly asking your student "Did you have fun at youth group?" you're missing the point. 

There's nothing wrong with youth group (or even church!) being fun! But our primary focus in youth ministry should be MINISTRY. Otherwise it wouldn't be referred to as youth ministry. 

My quick definition of ministry: sharing Jesus with those who don't know Him, discipling those who know Him, serving those who need Him, and celebrating Him with everyone. Those definitions shouldn't change because the focus of the ministry is on teenagers.

Of course lots of fun things happen in youth ministry. We play games. We laugh. We joke with each other. But we don't gather for those purposes. 

So instead of asking about fun, maybe focus on the acronym FUN. 

Faith. Underline. Next.

What did you learn about your FAITH? What were you challenged to think about during the upcoming week? What did you discover, learn, or realize about Jesus during the teaching/discussion time? 

What did you UNDERLINE in your Bible? What stood out to you as the theme or big moment of the youth service? What do you need and want to remember in the weeks and months to come?

What are your NEXT steps? What were you challenged to do this week based on what you discussed? How were you challenged to change? What do you need to add to your life? What do you need to get rid of in your life?

By all means you should be making sure your student is enjoying their youth ministry. But if you continually ask them first and only about how entertaining it was you're training them to view church through an entertainment filter. 

And our churches are already filled with adults who show up once a week (or less) and get cranky if their favorite song isn't sung, or if the pastor talks too long, or if the pastor doesn't make them laugh, or if someone makes them feel guilty about spending $40 on the new Avengers movie instead of having $5 for the local food pantry. 

We don't need more of those folks in church. We need a generation showing up ready to change their lives and live for Jesus, and ready to share Him with the world! 

It's not JUST Easter

Hey Parents: No matter what you're doing to celebrate Easter tomorrow, don't let your teens use of social media fall off of your radar. April Fools Day is one of the most vicious days for 'jokes' that hurt feelings and cause students to feel unloved.

Common April Fools Day 'jokes' (sometimes sent from accounts created using someone else's name! Or your students name!):

"I have a crush on you."
 
"Will you go to Prom with me?"
 
"So&So likes you."
 
"So&So is mad at you."
 
"Your boyfriend asked me out."
 
"Your girlfriend is cheating on you."
 
"Someone said you were pregnant."
 
"Someone told me they think you're too fat/ugly/short/tall/skinny/dumb/smart/whatever."

Remember being a teenager?
Remember how important the opinions of your peers were?
Imagine ANY of the above happening in that environment.
Imagine ANY of the above being spread all over social media as quick as you can hit SHARE.

Be bold enough to ask your teens about April Fools. 
Be present enough to help them deal with anything negative that lands in their orbit!

Chasing Lizards

We live in Florida. We have an amazing enclosed back porch that we can use all year long. It's the ideal place for drinking coffee, reading, writing, napping, and staring at the exercise bike that I'm going to start riding. Soon. Ish.

And like everyone else in Florida lizards find their way into our porch. We don't mind them. They're harmless and they give the dog something to chase. However when we can we catch them and release them outside. If they stay in the porch they die due to lack of water and extreme heat during the afternoons. 

So we chase them with the intent of freeing them outside. But they're tricky to catch. They're fast and they can climb anything and they jump. It's a challenge to actually get one in your hand. 

That reminds me of miracles. 

We want to see miracles, and we chase that experience waiting for God to do something huge and biblical and amazing in our lives. But while we're chasing those big water into wine moments, we miss the reality that miracles aren't something we have to chase, and they're not hard to experience. I believe we see them daily and that they're common. 

Birds singing. Children playing. Your car window down and a great song coming on the radio. Coffee on a cold morning. Waking up and being sure it's time to get up and realizing you've got hours left until your alarm will go off. The ability to text a friend, instantly, with the computer that you carry in your pocket. Anything that brings a smile or some laughter.

The best basketball game I ever attended was because of a snow storm. A local community college was hosting the Special Olympics and a winter storm caused road closures which kept some of the teams and spectators from being able to make it the first night. They reached out to local churches asking us to help them fill the stands and give the athletes the feeling of a big crowd. 

The basketball game I watched that night was amazing. When someone lost control of the ball everyone on the court chased it with the intent of returning it to the athlete who had lost it. When someone tripped or fell and the ball went rolling every player on both teams ignored the ball and went to help the guy up. When someone made a basket he received high fives and fist bumps from every player on the court. When one of the players messed up his first free throw one of the players from the other team came off the bench and spent a few minutes helping him practice his throw.

When a young guy made a three pointer I watched his parents weep tears of joy as both benches cleared of players running to high five and hug him. 

No seas were parted that night. No one walked on water. But I contend that no one could count the miracles that we witnessed.

No need to chase something that you already have access to!